Jonah

Chapter 1

1. Now the lav of the Duchess trolled unto Jonah the homie chavvie of Amittai, cackling,
2. Arise, troll to Nineveh, that dowry smoke, and screech against it; for their naffness is troll up before me.
3. But Jonah rose up to scarper unto Tarshish from the presence of the Duchess, and trolled down to Joppa; and she found a lattie on water going to Tarshish: so she parkered the fare thereof, and trolled down into it, to troll with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the Duchess.
4. But the Duchess laued out a dowry wind into the sea, and there was a dowry butch tempest in the sea, so that the lattie on water was like to be broken.
5. Then the mariners were afraid, and screeched every homie unto her Gloria, and cast forth the wares that were in the lattie on water into the sea, to lighten it of them. But Jonah was trolled down into the sides of the lattie on water; and she lett, and was nishta manjarry asleep.
6. So the shipmaster trolled to her, and cackled unto her, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, screech upon thy Gloria, if so be that Gloria will think upon us, that we perish not.
7. And they cackled every una to her fellow, troll, and let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this nana is upon us. So they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Jonah.
8. Then cackled they unto her, cackle us, we pray thee, for whose cause this nana is upon us; What is thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is thy country? and of what homies and palones art thou?
9. And she cackled unto them, I am an Kosher Homie; and I fear the Duchess, the Gloria of heaven, which hath made the sea and the dry land.
10. Then were the homies exceedingly afraid, and cackled unto her. Why hast thou done this? For the homies knew that she fled from the presence of the Duchess, because she had cackled them.
11. Then cackled they unto her, What shall we do unto thee, that the sea may be calm unto us? for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous.
12. And she cackled unto them, lell me up, and cast me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this dowry tempest is upon you.
13. Any road up the homies rowed hard to parker it to the land; but they could not: for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous against them.
14. Wherefore they screeched unto the Duchess, and cackled, We beseech thee, O Duchess, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this homie‘s life, and lett not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O Duchess, hast done as it pleased thee.
15. So they varda up Jonah, and cast her forth into the sea: and the sea ceased from her raging.
16. Then the homies feared the Duchess exceedingly, and offered a parker unto the Duchess, and made vows.
17. Now the Duchess had prepared a dowry fish to jarry up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish trey days and trey nights.

Chapter 2

1. Then Jonah prayed unto the Duchess her Gloria out of the fish’s belly,
2. And cackled, I screeched by reason of mine affliction unto the Duchess, and she aunt nelled me; out of the belly of hell screeched I, and thou heardest my cackling fakement.
3. For thou hadst cast me into the deep, in the midst of the seas; and the dowry aquas compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves passed over me.
4. Then I cackled, I am cast out of thy vardaing; yet I will varda again toward thy fabulosa holy carsey.
5. The aquas compassed me about, even to the nishta lucoddy: the depth closed me round about, the weeds were wrapped about my eke.
6. I trolled down to the bottoms of the mountains; the earth with her bars was about me for ever: yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption, O Duchess my Gloria.
7. When my nishta lucoddy fainted within me I remembered the Duchess: and my meshigener muttering trolled in unto thee, into thine fabulosa holy carsey.
8. They that observe lying spanglies forsake their own mercy.
9. But I will parker unto thee with the cackling fakement of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the Duchess.
10. And the Duchess cackled unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.

Chapter 3

1. And the lav of the Duchess trolled unto Jonah the second time, cackling,
2. Arise, troll unto Nineveh, that dowry smoke, and cackle unto it the cackling that I bid thee.
3. So Jonah arose, and trolled unto Nineveh, according to the lav of the Duchess. Now Nineveh was an exceeding dowry smoke of trey days’ journey.
4. And Jonah began to enter into the smoke a journo‘s journey, and she screeched, and cackled, Yet quarter dacha days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.
5. So the homies and palones of Nineveh believed Gloria, and proclaimed a nishta manjarry, and put on nylon, from the dowriest of them even to the nanti dowriest of them.
6. For lav trolled unto the dowriest homie of Nineveh, and she arose from her throne, and she laued her frock from her, and covered her with nylon, and sat in ashes.
7. And she caused it to be proclaimed and published through Nineveh by the decree of the dowriest homie and her nobles, cackling, Let nishta homie nishta beast, herd nishta flock, taste any fakement: let them not feed, nishta buvare aqua:
8. But let homie and beast be covered with nylon, and screech mightily unto Gloria: any road up, let them turn every una from her nana way, and from the slapping that is in their fambles.
9. Who can cackle if Gloria will turn and repent, and turn away from her fierce wild, that we perish not?
10. And Gloria vardad their works, that they turned from their nana way; and Gloria repented of the nana, that she had cackled that she would do unto them; and she did it not.

Chapter 4

1. But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and she was dowry angry.
2. And she prayed unto the Duchess, and cackled, I pray thee, O Duchess, was not this my cackling, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a bona Gloria, and merciful, slow to wild, and of dowry kindness, and repentest thee of the nana.
3. Therefore now, O Duchess, lell, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is benar for me to cark it than to live.
4. Then cackled the Duchess, Doest thou well to be angry?
5. So Jonah trolled out of the smoke, and sat on the east side of the smoke, and there made her a booth, and sat under it in the shadow, till she might varda what would become of the smoke.
6. And the Duchess Gloria prepared a gourd, and made it to troll up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over her eke, to deliver her from her grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd.
7. But Gloria prepared a worm when the morning rose the next journo, and it slapped the gourd that it withered.
8. Any road up, when the sun did arise, that Gloria prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun zsa zsa-ed upon the eke of Jonah, that she fainted, and wished in himself to cark it, and cackled, It is benar for me to cark it than to live.
9. And Gloria cackled to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And she cackled, I do well to be angry, even unto carking it.
10. Then cackled the Duchess, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, nishta madest it grow; which trolled up in a nochy, and perished in a nochy:
11. And should not I spare Nineveh, that dowry smoke, wherein are more then sixscore mille persons that cannot discern between their sweet martini and their dry martini; and also dowry cattle?